this is the deal

I wonder if I had pushed for a better deal for Animal hats to knit, we would all have thought harder about the investment of time and money. Would I have worked harder at creating designs that both the publisher and I like? I thought hard about the hat shapes and techniques, but I lost my confidence when it came to making the hats into animal hats. Would the publisher have felt more inclined to promote the book to recoup their investment? Do I want them to promote the book or is it just pique that after all that work and effort to produce the book the publishers wanted, they seem to believe in it less than I. Do they believe in it less than I or do their budgets just mean they can only focus on a few books and mine isn't one of them. Did they return the hats to me early in the hope I would do something with them?

I am going to publish this post not so much because I think these questions are valid and interesting but because as someone working alone, without a team of people around me to discuss things with, these are the thoughts that can plague me if I don't take time to "create and think".